This is the question you’ve been asking yourself since discovering your partner’s affair. You may recognise how hurt, disappointed and angry you feel, yet you’re unable to share those same feelings with your partner. Maybe the shoe is on the other foot and you have had the affair and you want to stay in your marriage. Whichever the circumstance, you want to be able to talk more openly to your partner and explore what might be possible between you both, moving forward, after the affair. It can take an enormous amount of emotional energy and commitment to heal the tear in your relationship when your trust has been broken.
What would it be like learning to be more open and honest with each other in terms of why the affair happened? You can learn more about what has gone wrong between you, and explore sensitively the pain that has been evoked for you both. You know how you feel about the sexual infidelity. Does your partner know how you feel? How does your partner feel? Learning to sit with each other and to hear how each other feel can be really tough and yet can be healing and ultimately bring you closer together. Your partner will never know how you feel unless you choose to find a way to tell them. You wont know how your partner feels either unless they find a way to tell you. You can’t assume that either of you knows how the other feels.
Relationships can suffer from sexual problems and many times it is these sexual issues that bring a couple to relationship counselling. However, often sexual problems can mask deeper seated communication difficulties between a couple that actually affect all areas of your relationship. Brief couples’ therapy can help you both address such communication difficulties between you and sensitively explore a way forward together from what has happened between you both. It can help you learn to really listen to each other, learn how to express how you feel and have your say respectfully, whist keeping both of you ‘Okay’.
Couples counselling can help you learn to be more open in your communications with each other and explore some of the deep seated issues that get in the way of you being closer with each other.